I stated with Yoga. I stated rethamic breathing at first, tried to count the breaths, when in a Yoga posture. Sometimes the counting became Subconsions. My mind started wandering on other things, sometimes I could come back to the breathing, sometimes, It wonderd too far. But when the mind startend to wonder, doing the exercisers was easy, you tend forget the dilticalties associated with the excrisices. At first I thought it was good, then I realised, it is counter intuitive to the principals of yoga. Then I realized concentrating on the postures, you can reign in the mind to what you are doing. By and by I realised this is more near to meditation. By now the effects of meditation was felt by me slightly. My depression was slipping slightly.
I started in using a piano timer to control my breathing and also as a timer for yoga poses. Before stating the poses, for about 5 minute I did a meditation. I am not sure how long I did yoga may be one month or two. Yoga was done in the morning. I might have done at least 5 days per week, some times 7 days.
I started to meditate more, increased 5 minutes to 10 minutes. It was not difficult.But increasing to 15 minutes was not easy. Had problems in being seated for long periods, You fellt like getting up and running, feet started aching. After first 5 minutes mind started to wonder, at first. Later, I could comfortably, concentrate for 10 minutes without mind wondering. After 10 minutes I had to make an extra effort to bring the mind to meditation.
Made a seat from sponge, with it, it was easy to sit in lotus position.
I tried to control breathing to the timing of the piano timer. Since more concentration needed to listen to the timer and do the breathing to it's timing, it was easy to push away other normal thoughts coming to mind.
I tried different timings for the piano timer. But, always tried to time the breathing with the timer. I checked my breathing rate at rest it was about, 11 per minute. I tried to use it in the timer. Then I thought I could breath slower than that, I tried 10, then 9.
Meditating this way for 10 minutes was easy, but when it increases to 15 minutes it became difficult. The difficulty was keeping still. I think the lungs get tired with fixed breathing patterns. In 20 minutes back side of the lungs starts to ache.
It was more difficult at 9 beats per second, lesser at 10. I tried at 12. It was much easier.But after 20 minutes the pain was there. I later found out 12 was the average breathing rate. But, all along I was making the mistaking of trying breathing in a fixed rate or pattern. It helps to concentrate, but it was tiring to be in the same posture for a long time.
Little by little I found the secret. Meditating is to stop all outside thoughts coming to your head, and concentrate on the activities of the inner body, like breathing. Also stop all sensations coming from outside and concentrate on inner body sounds.
We can't hear our heart beat. The brain is designed in such a way that inner sounds are ignored. We need to put an extra effort to listen to inner bodily sounds. In fact there should be a lot of sounds. Blood flowing all over the body in time with heart beats. If you concentrate you can feel the pulses in the mouth.
Another mistake I made was while concentrating on the sound of breathing, tried to breath in a fixed pattern for the whole duration of meditation. When I consecrated on breathing but ignored the timer it became more easier to mediate and be still for longer periods of time.
In the beginning I tried to breathe hard. It was easy to concentrate to the sound. Later I tried to breath softly. It was more clam. In the beginning soft breathing did not help to concentrate. But as you get mature in meditation soft breathing was better.
Then I started to listen to heartbeats, instead of breathing. I found it was more calming. But then I found that the sound of the beats of the piano timer disturbs the listening to the heartbeats. Actually it is difficult to hear the heartbeats, you only feel it slightly. If you rest your back to a wall, the heart beats are amplified a little, and it was more easy to concentrate on the heartbeats. But I didn't like the idea of resting the back on a support. Also I thought my health was good enough to mediate without back support. Maybe later add I grow older I might need a back support. Another good effect of back support was, the backside of the lungs ache less with the back support. Anyway I continued meditating without back support.
Since the sound of the timer disturbs listening to heartbeats, I tried, the beats, one per minute. Then I found silent duration was too long, and lost all feeling of time. That was also bad, I had to stop the meditation, and couldn't continue in that day. Loosing the feel of time, looks to be bad.
Then I tried 5 beats per minute. And tried to concentrate less on the sound of beats from the timer and more on the sound of the heart and lesser on breathing. Usually I could hear the sound of breathing along with the heart beats. I found this method was more comfortable. I found that keeping track of time is also important, without that you feel lost.
Reason keeping still is important in meditation because, when you are still it is easier to feel inner activity of your body.
Try to breath slowly, then you will be hear the heart beat. It is very difficult to hear the heart beat. You hear it in intervals. Concentrate more and more on heart beat. You feel your pulse in the mouth, it is easier to feel it than heart beat. But listening to heart beat makes you more calm and time flies past without knowing.
I found that a back support helps to amplify internal sounds. Specially the heart beat. Arched back helps to get more contact, but it an ache the back. Keep the back straight. Feeling the internal sounds are not regular. Sometimes you can feel the pulse of your thumb, but it goes away after sometime. Breathing is always present. Also if you move taking the vibration breaks. You need to concentrate to bring it back.
Depression keeps coming back in flashes-very sport durations. I checked the thyroid, hyperthyroidism increased. Started the hormones. Depression going away may not be only meditation. You need to keep the proper chemical balance in the brain. Meditation may not be the silver bullet for all ailments.
Loosening to your heart, back support definitely amplify internal sounds. But I found heart beat comes in intervals like 40 seconds. When heart sound goes down, concentrate on breathing. Then heart beat returns when breathing gets calmer.
I need to add some notes. It it's much better not to concentrate on heart beat, concentrate on breathing, but it is important to breath to rhythm. You will hear the heart beat in the background, and is more prominent than when you concentrate on heartbeat alone. Background sound of the timer aligned to breathing help control breathing.
I am using a metronome,a piano timer, 12 beats per minute. I breath up at the audible beat, but I found it is not good. Best method is, give importance to breathing and adjust it to the timer, and not use the signal to breath up, it gives a jerk and hinders the calmness of meditation. I intend to buy a mechanical metronome and also use the visual input to meditate.
Usually it should be in the first few minutes it is harder to concentrate, and final minutes it is easy. But for me it was other way round.
I tried the timer to give slow beats at first then fast beats and tried to breath to the tune. Then tried unsynchronized breathing, and counting slow beats. This put Les strain on lungs, because the pain I had in the back lower sides of the lungs towards the end of the meditation period.
I feel too long synchronized breathing put strain on muscles of the diaphragm below the lungs.
Try to get rhythmic breathing without going out of breath. Then you get the calmness of meditation.
I made a mistake by trying to do two things at the same time. Concentrate on breathing and counting the timer. You will lose both, though you can concentrate tire calmness goes away. When I tried to concentrate only on counting ignoring the breathing,I was able to get better calmness in meditation.
Made the same error when I tried to breath to the rhythm timer and
listen to the heart beat at the same time. Then the heart beat started fading away.
On the other hand, I was scared if I do not concentrate on breathing I might loose the concentration. It was ok to breath in step with the counter, then the concentration is centered only on one activity. But that forces the breathing and towards the end, and strain on the ribs, and slight pain is experience after meditation. Also difficult to get the calmness. Concentration on one activity may be the best method.
Each 10 beats of the counter keep shifting concentration from breathing then heart beat then beats from counter. This breaks the monotonous and keeps interest.
Alternatively, when concentration on counting goes down shift to concentrate on breathing. Breathing keeps you fully occupied, and brings back concentration.
When you try to concentrate alternatively breathing and timer it won't work. Sometimes I had to stop the meditation altogether, and discontinue the session. The best way is to concentrate on both. Don't lose the count, when you hear the click count. Then concentrate on breath, but don't force the rhythm, let it continue naturally. Don't try to calm the breathing rhythm forcing it, son you will be out of breath, and need to breath in quick gusts. As time passes, the rhythm may get calmer. But depends on other factors, like are you restless before meditation, you had a meal just before meditation, or did some physical work and bit tired etc.
Body Scan
Concentrating on timer beats along with breathing rhythm is difficult. If you try to concentrate on breathing, the rhythm will not be natural, this is normal. Body scan do not have this problem. You think each of your body parts, one by one, along with beats of the timer and do a full body scan.
Instead of a full body scan I try to concentrate, say the little finger of my left foot, give out about 5 to 10 beats. Then you will start to feel some sensation.
These days I have a problem concentrating. I think you bed peak health to meditate. There is a mouth ulcer that continuously giving pain, may be that is the reason or I started a new hobby, the mind wonders a lot on its details, may be that is also the reason. Earlier I had lot of time doing nothing, there was time to meditate and do yoga. Now I stared to read a computer book, so no idle time, this hampers meditation.
Body scanning meditation is great. It is much easier than breath meditation. I try to scan the fingers of the body. I use the metronome timer and give 10 beats to each finger in each foot. So for the feet 100 beats. Same to fingers in hand, 100 beats again.
In scanning first I imagined a signal sent to a finger as I hear a beet. This works but not always. Then I tried to feel the heart beet in the fingers, it don't work for tows but works for fingers. Then again sometimes it works, sometimes it don't. Then I tried to imagine some pain I felt in the tows to fingers, it works better most of the time. Try to imagine pain continuously, not only when you hear a beet, it gives more concentration. When you are old it is easy to imagine pain, because it is always there. For me sides of nails mostly hurts always.
.06.09.2017 today I me highly anxious, dissent sleep well and it is raining and not very silent, then I had to drop the kids to school because of rain and other reasons that worry me. Because of all this current concentrate on meditation like other days. I wanted to mention this because, to note how other activities affect meditation.
It is important to concentrate at the start of meditation. If you are loose at start, it becomes increasing difficult to concentrate. As time goes all physical discomforts starts to appear. Out will start to grow towards the end of the meditation period. So start is important!
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